Building a high-performing product team starts with trust: Here's the why and the how

Writing has become a powerful tool for reflection for me, and I’ve noticed that, despite being a coach, I write far more about the product than I do about coaching itself. That changes now, as we dive into a topic that’s imperative to great coaching: trust.

If you lead a product team, this matters more than you might think. Coaching isn’t just for coaches – it’s essential for leadership. To be a great manager, you need to be a great coach. You’re only as strong as your weakest team member, so coaching your team is one of your most important responsibilities as a manager.

And at the heart of effective coaching—and leadership—is trust. It’s the foundation that determines how far and how fast your team can grow. That’s why, when companies or leaders bring me in, they usually ask, “How fast can we go?” It makes sense – these are highly motivated, ambitious people who are choosing to invest in getting better and are committing to doing the work.

My answer often surprises them: the more we build trust, the faster we can move.

Trust first: The first subtle pushback

In my first session with clients, I tell them that my core goal is to get to know them and for us to align on what feels like the most important focus area to tackle together. I then give a pretty detailed bio of myself: where I’m from, how much I dislike cold weather, my coffee order, my passion for surfing and dance, and of course, a bit of my professional background that makes me a good fit. But that last part, the professional stuff, is actually the smallest piece of my answer. We usually end up jamming on topics like coffee, surfing, playing competitive sports, and then I turn the mic over to them.

Sometimes I get the long, personal bio I’m hoping for right away, but that’s less common. More often, I get a brief intro, and then they jump straight into talking about their org, their priorities, or their manager. That’s when I pause them. I let them know I want to hear about them, and that this whole process works best if we can get to a place where it feels like we’ve known each other for years. I tell them I’m going to do my part to help us get there.

It would be much more comfortable for me to just dive into their org charts and start diagnosing problems. But if we did that, we would stay stuck on the surface. Coaching is not about staying comfortable. This is the first small discomfort. It pushes us to go deep right from the beginning and lays the groundwork for what can grow into a truly trusting relationship.

Some people see this as "small talk." Believe me, I do not like small talk. But this is something else entirely. This is about getting to know someone. Learning what lights them up, what drains them, what brings them joy, what they care deeply about, what they can’t stand, and yes, often learning about their family too.

If there is no trust, there is no coaching.

There are 5 principles I have found especially effective in building trust. The first one connects perfectly with that initial, subtle pushback.

Principle 1: Get to know and care about people as people

Many people assume that, because I coach executives at companies, my primary concern is the business. The truth is, there is no business without the people in it. When we coach a person, we don’t leave everything non-business related at the door and focus only on the business. That would not only be impossible, but it would also be a disservice to the person and to the business.

To coach the person, you have to know the person. We are innately social beings, and I believe that great coaching should feel as close to magic as possible. That sense of connection needs a strong foundation in order to grow. As a coach, I need to learn as much as I can about my coachee, as quickly as I can. This helps me guide them more effectively, but more importantly, it helps them feel that I truly care.

When they know I care, that’s when the door opens. That’s when we can move into deep, transformational conversations.

Principle 2: We’re on the same team

This one should be obvious, but often it isn't. In many manager-direct report relationships, or even in coaching engagements initiated by the company, that sense of alignment can be missing. It's essential that the coachee understands you are on their side. You are there to help them become the best version of themselves, and together, you will build on their strengths and work through their opportunity areas.

This should feel completely different from receiving feedback during a performance review. Coaching is not about evaluation. It is about practicing to win. It is about developing a mindset that values growth and building a rhythm of working through challenges before they escalate. The goal is to make sure that when difficult situations come up, the coachee has the tools, the resources, and the mindset to respond in the best possible way.

Principle 3: Confidentiality as a foundation for trust

With new clients, I sometimes get the question, “This stays between us, right?” My answer is always the same: “Of course.” For coaching to be truly effective, people need to feel like they can share openly. They need to know that you are there for them and that your role is to support their growth, not to report back or pass judgment.

One of the most powerful ways to build trust early on is to be clear about this. Let them know that this is a special container, and that nothing leaves the conversation without their permission. When people understand that, they feel safe. And when they feel safe, they start to open up. That’s when the real work can begin.

Principle 4: Meet in person as early as possible

I’m remembering the words of one of my clients, Anuar Chapur: “If this is going to work, you’ll need to come here. People need to meet you and they need to see you.” He was so spot on, hence at the beginning of our engagement, I spent concentrated amounts of time at their office.

I’m also writing this after having an incredible session yesterday with a new client. He lives in California but is visiting New York, so we grabbed a coffee and walked the High Line on a perfect NYC spring day. There’s no substitute for in-person. It’s less awkward, it’s more real, and it allows people to open up.

When I was a manager, I had a pretty remote team at times, but I made a point to meet my direct reports in person as quickly as possible, even if that meant me going to work from their city for a couple of days, taking walks together, having coffee, and great food.

Principle 5: Never just get “down to business”

I start every single coaching session by asking my clients how they are. How are they really… They share with me what happened over their weekend, how their family is doing, a new amazing restaurant they tried, and things they are looking forward to. This is not small talk. This is us continuing to build trust since, going back to principle one, you need to get to know your people and show them that you care.

These conversations give me a real sense of how they are doing and where we can go, and it's interestingly a perfect transition to what's on their mind today and what would be most helpful for us to discuss. Sometimes, depending on what they shared, I don’t even need to.

Trust is not built just once and then forgotten; it’s like a plant that grows over time. You need to keep watering it and take real care of it.

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Many people want to jump straight into the work and forget that we’re people first. Coaching is 100% dependent on trust.

What I’ve learned over the years is that leaving the office or changing your environment can do wonders for building trust. I recommend, especially at the beginning of a coaching relationship, to spend time outside the typical environment, like discovering a new coffee shop, going for lunch, or even just going for a walk.

My favorite out-of-office activity is having a good cappuccino and taking a walk!

Don’t underestimate the power of these meetings and the power of switching your location and environment!

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